Okay now I still might think the finger plate deal, this one…..
Might be the stupidest and most ill conceived gimmick I’ve seen, (Um, what’s gonna happen when you take a sip of that wine huh?!) associated with wine but, I was recently sent an email from one of my bosses Dale Kemner with the title line, “More stupid wine tricks”. Dale does all the accessory buying for the store so the catalogs full of useless crap she gets to flip through is staggering.
I have to admit that I am a rather practical person in general. I don’t spend a lot of money on clothes, shoes, jewelry or kitchen gadgets….even less time thinking about them and when it comes to my enjoyment of wine there are very few things I need. A glass and it doesn’t even need to be “The Proper Glass” I’m never going to be one of those people that bring their own stems to a restaurant. A wine opener, waiters opener is always preferred….those regal looking table top numbers are just too fancy for me and honestly, more often than not I end up doing it wrong and wind up standing there….wine all over and the cork shoved in the bottle, something that brings my father in-law hours of entertainment. Sometimes a decanter is nice but if I don’t have one it’s no big deal, plus those suckers can be a bitch to clean, and those too have fallen prey to the “Stupid wine trick” folks. How ya gonna clean this sucker?!
Glass charms, those temperature gauges that you attach to the bottle, the self filling wine glass, the wine bra and beer belly….all things that make me shake my head and wonder who the hell uses that crap?! Well whoever they are they have a new “Must Have” item to prove just how into wine they are….sigh.
Underpants. Wine glass underpants, well who the hell doesn’t need that?! I mean this is a very useful garment wine being known for its incontinence and all, not to mention you can impress your friends with your matching abilities, “Hey look my shirt matches my wine glass’s panties”…ugh. I’m going to have to veto and will not be purchasing any Woozies, (fantastic name by the way) as I know I would be wigged out by my lips hitting that neoprene shit each time I took a sip of my wine…that and they are profoundly stupid and junk.
My planned parenthood (with a lowercase p)
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