Thursday, November 18, 2010

Okay, This Right Here Kinda Sucks




You know those weeks that are sailing along, full of promise, laughter, love and that utter amazement at how lucky you are to be awake and alive? Yeah that was last week. This week could not be further away from that.

Started with being behind on my newsletter stuff, I’m not a stress case kind of person, I just don’t get worked up in tizzies too often but when I feel like I am letting someone down like I do every time I am late getting my write ups to Randy? Well it sends me into a stress filled, self loathing kind of spin that leaves me dizzy, and speechless…which is always perfect when you are stressed because you are late getting someone your words, and like a complete loser. Then comes the aftermath of introspection, why am I always late? Why can’t I just spill all the love I have for a wine that intrigued me enough to purchase for the store into a shelf talker that will make everyone want to buy it…maybe that’s the bit of pressure that stands on my neck making it impossible to speak. Whatever, between the stress dizzies and the beating up of myself I end up exhausted and lifeless….and that was only Sunday.

Monday, my cherished day off and date night with the wee boyfriend, this had to perk me up right? Um, yeah had to cancel the date night. We were having our annual Wine of the Year judging at the shop so after being called a “wet blanket” by my four year old boyfriend I headed out to taste and vote. Now this is always a fun tasting, the staff is all fired up to share the wines that make our hearts pound, the wines that stood out in a year’s worth of tasting appointments and classes. Great wines, we get to taste, talk about, vote and argue about great wines, a perfect day for me but even this had me feeling a little gloomy.



“Have fun!” the husband chirped on his way out the door for MY date night. “Oh my wines are going to get clobbered” I responded. There was really only one wine worthy of my Wine of the Year this year and I just knew it was going to be knocked out in the first round of judging. Maybe it was the post newsletter gloom but I was sullen when I walked in the shop for the judging, just knowing that a wine I was so in love with was going to get tossed aside and deemed “too weird” or just not good enough.

Wrong! I was so wrong and my odd little wine swept in the White Wine of the Year battle. Amazing, felt amazing and when I got home I could not shut up about it. I was just so thrilled that the wine spoke to everyone and even more excited that a big bunch of people would be giving the wine a try based on our giving it a Wine of the Year approval. So imagine how my heart sank when I got an email from the importer telling me they had made a mistake. “There are 10 cases coming but it won’t be until January and it will be a new vintage” Fuck….fuck. Most of you probably won’t understand how crushing this was for me, for that consider yourself lucky that you are not as big a geek as I am but….my eyes literally filled with tears as I read those words. It’s not winning, hell all the wines I put up took the win this year, it was this one wine and the hope….the belief I had in it, the way I wanted everyone to have their hearts pound away too. Deflating but….that was just Monday.

Tuesday found me picking at the scab of an argument that never truly healed for me and brought the added benefit of rage, disappointment and hint of condescension from someone I love very deeply.



Wednesday was a whole ball of wax; found out we were in fact not done with the newsletter…a big important part simply forgotten, (insert self loathing here), an email from another loved, a giant slap in the face and questions of loyalty, a documentary that ripped my heart out and sent me to bed puffy with tears and wondering how people can be so cruel but….that was just Wednesday.

I woke this morning still puffy but giving myself the post cry pep talk, “Well least your eyes are wicked green today” the one upside to a big cry. I was ready to take on the day and then the text that done me in




“They are changing the rules at work. No one can request time off and no one can leave the week of Christmas” Jeremy. Jeremy may not be home for Christmas this year. The first year in 21 that I may not get my most wanted thing, a hug from my baby Christmas morning.

I’d like to ask whomever is holding the voodoo doll in my likeness to ease the hell up already. I am breathing a heavy sigh as I get ready to leave for work this morning, placing all the hope I can muster in the basket of selling wine. A great day at the shop I love, selling wine to people that adore it as much as I do….least I still have that. Sheesh…..


15 comments:

Romes said...

HUUUUUUUUGGGGGG! Coming to you from the East Coast where I am currently biding my time till I can go home tomorrow. I like the west coast so much better!

What was the white wine? I'm jonesing for more of the "not your cougar's" chardonnay. Is there any left?

John M. Kelly said...

Ugh. Yes it sounds like a bad week. Was the wine screw-up down to the distributor or to the producer?

Some of your friends will always be loyal ;-) and rarely argue with you so keep that in mind.

Absolutely sucks about Jeremy. You are so lucky with that boy that it brings tears to MY eyes. You two have the greatest relationship - but my dear the apron strings are going to get cut. Slowly (I hope for your sake) but surely.

If I find the Goon with the voodoo doll I will smack it out of her hands.

In the meantime if you want to be happy for a friend, I brought in my last grapes yesterday - and they were riper and in better shape than they had any right to be. I will be making my full red blend this year after all (before yesterday it looked like it would just be Mourvedre and Syrah - ugh).

And given that this is just a bloody awful week for you, it's fitting that my captcha code is "flogynes" today.

Another Day of Crazy said...

Oh girl, I'm so sorry... What a crappy week. So sorry to hear about Jeremy, what are the chances you can go that way for the holidays?

webb said...

Hope next week will improve 1000%! A small hug from Central Virginia....

Benito said...

Hugs as always from Memphis... No words of wisdom, but I'm pretty anxious for January to get here.

Ron Washam said...

My Gorgeous Samantha,

I'm so sorry you've had such a challenging, disappointing, traumatic week. And also sorry for whatever role I played in it. As it turns out, inflatable voodoo dolls don't really function very well as pincushions, though they nicely cure certain loneliness issues.

So often we live our lives either being disappointed, or disappointing the ones who love us. Heartbreak ensues.

It's sweet that you come here and allow us to send you words of love and comfort. Though there's no consolation for not being able to hug your son on Christmas morning. I hope he manages to make it home, but if he doesn't, try to forget the disappointment with a huge glass of Champagne, your choice, and a big helping of love and gratitude from all of us here who deeply admire and adore you.

I love you!

Samantha Dugan said...

Jess,
Thanks sweet lady, needed that. I'm not going to say what the wines were but I will say...you're getting warmer.

John,
The fuck up was on the importer end, they didn't bother to change their inventory sheet which left me and my rep with our dicks in the wind.

The friend that sent the snarky email is a friend but when you are friends and business associates, well things can get sticky....first time with this one so it hurt, a lot. Cannot think of apron strings just yet love, he is just as bummed as I am, even said he might quit which of course I told him not to do. Sucks. Congratulations on getting all your fruit in kid! I am in fact thrilled for you and that gave me the first smile of the day.

Another Day of Crazy,
Time off during the holidays when you are the manager of a retails shop? Not likely....

webb,
I'll take the hug sweetheart and I know my week will be better, has to.

Ben,
Damn nice of you to chime in here kid and I will be with you, holding my breath until January.

Ron My Love,
Not sure I came here for words of support as much to purge, rid myself of all the weight on my chest. In fact much like the last post I didn't expect much response at all. That being said it does feel wonderful to know that their are hearts out there rooting for me. People in my corner giving a rat's ass. Helps so thank you and I love you too.

Dave said...

Big HUGS times 1.0 * 10^6 Sam,

So sorry about the wet blanket on your Xmas holidays. Seems quite a few of us have been seeking refuge on a regular basis lately. Find myself turning to music... see if this'll help:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_q0WMNo8AsM

Or maybe this. Met up my pal on the central coast this past weekend and went down to the Wine Ghetto in Lompoc. First stop Palmina (three excellent Nebbiolos, btw) where the nice ladies made sure to steer us over to Taste of the Sta. Rita Hills where we came away with the Moretti 09 Bianchetto (Tocai Friulano, Arneis, and Traminer), the 07 Syrah, and dark and inky 07 Huber Dornfelder.

Not sure exactly how it came about, a snippet from another conversation going on, some key word, but all of a sudden we're talking about The Wine Country, Randy, and Samantha Sans Dosage. Turns out you have a huge fan in Signore Antonio. He asked that I give you and Randy his best regards.

To further try and boost your spirits, I finally got to try the Goisot Saint Bris and the La Chaux De Lorme (with Sand Dabs, no oysters unfortunately), both excellent, nice complexity in the former, great bright acidity in the latter. I'll be sending a shopping list with my pal when he's back down there over T-giving.

Hang in there kiddo, this too shall pass.

Love and hugs,

BipolarBear

K.Mahoney said...

Sorry to hear you are having such a rough week. Only suggestion I can give you... switch from bubbly to a strong dirty martini. I find its the perfect way celebrate Friday.
I'll enjoy one tonight for you in hopes it gets easier from here.

K.

vickibarkley said...

Oh, Dear.
Here's a hug from me.
Like all these other folks, I love you too!

Samantha Dugan said...

Dave,
Seems like a few people were suffering this week, must be something in the air...

Thanks for the link, was very cool.
I literally blushed when I read your comment, always floors me to hear that people were talking, nicely about me. I will share this with Randy, see if I can make him grin as large as you made me! Hugs back at ya kid.

k,
You said "a" martini, see I read you wrong...too many doesn't help as it turns out. Thanks for the hugs and it was nice to "see" you again!

Vicki,
Yup been a shitty one but the store has been busy which always cheers me up so I am assuming this next week is going to soooooo much better. Thanks for the hugs lady.

Sara Louise said...

I'm so sorry that you won't be with Jeremy for Xmas, that sucks, hard.
But it's kinda funny that your little boyfriend called you a wet blanket. It's nicer than poo-poo head.
Sending you cosmic hugs OOO

Samantha Dugan said...

Sara,
I heard rumors about a Christmas Eve arrival....simply perfect that so I am holding my breath and dreaming of a hug filled holiday. In the meantime I will snuggle in these cosmic and internet hugs to get me by so thank you~!

chris said...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a Christmas Eve flight for Jeremy.

Samantha Dugan said...

Chris,
You and me both. Trying to just make it true in my head so I don't let the other idea bum me out too much....think it's working for now but if it's not too much an imposition, keep those fingers crossed!