"Around 7-ish, you think you can?"
An email I got yesterday evening before leaving work. I knew I "could" but was worried that I might not be in the best mindset for it. Been in the middle of some seriously painful stuff the past few weeks and all my treading water and reminding myself that, "this too shall pass" has worn me out, left me deflated and last night....like I didn't care if I did sink. Heartbroken. Just feels like I've been hit with one thing after another and just when I feel like I'm coming up for air....hit again. Tired, last night I felt so damn tired. Not tired as in I worked too hard and by body was worn out, no this is a soul and spirit crushing kind of tired that makes even feeling too much to bear.
Hate that. Hate feeling like I can't fight my way through anything. I know I will, it's not fear that has been weighing heavy on me, just kinda wishing that whoever is in control of these things would ease up on me a bit...just long enough for me to get my sea legs and feel strong enough to take on the next wave. Yeah, so it aint all Champagne and Burgundy for this wine slinger right now, last night wasn't even Pabst and Rombauer Chardonnay but, well someone needed me and something about that gave me a little blast of "Yes. Yes I can"
To the rescue....
My wee boyfriend and his wee-er brother. I was needed to babysit, something I have not really done in some 20 years and was a bit nervous about....poop, there could be poop and crying, gross. I didn't feel like I was up to it, like I had enough "grin and bear it" but....turns out spending the night playing with trains, stuffed dogs and watching a 2 year old dance to the same song, over and over again, well it goes a long way in helping to fill a recently emptied heart.
So while not completely recovered I am getting by with a little help from my friends.
Just saw this before leaving for work this morning, another friend and much needed lovins'. Thanks Charlie.
Montes Angels of California
5 hours ago