You ever feel yourself on the cusp of “Oh what the hell”? Feel your feet hovering…calves shaking as you try and restrain yourself right before plunging your bare skin into that cool pool of wicked, silky, slippery, staining, enveloping…fantastically fulfilling indulgence? Your head trying to remind you why you shouldn’t, the rest of you not giving a shit and aching to get lost in tastes, touches, tongues, texture, aromas….anything but control? Allowing yourself to give, bend, surrender to a spoonful, a forkful, a glassful, fingers full of something that our self imposed….society imposed structure and boundaries keep us from slithering around in whenever we wish? The way you feel alive each second of your life but a little more so, the heart pumping, the blood surging, the mouthwatering right before you melt and swim around in the,” yeah I’m going to pay for this” pond? Me too and you know what….I want more.
Maybe it comes from becoming a mother when everyone else was being wistful and rebellious. Maybe it stems from an inherent unwillingness to be told what to do, how to behave, how to dress, how much love and want is enough. As much as I try, (which aint all that much) I just find that restricting myself, not allowing myself those stolen moments….well not only is it frustrating I just don’t see what good it does. I’m never going to be the “most” or “best” at anything and the last fucking thing I want to do is wake up one day and realize that while I followed all the rules I’ve lived a life full of steady medium. Just not what drives me, moves me and inspires me. I need that twinge of, “no” I crave that tickle of, “You ought not” and while I am not reckless with the things that I adore and need in life…I get a very real thrill from living in, and reliving in those moments spent off the path of straight and narrow. Each one nibbling at the base of my neck, enticing me, seducing me and reminding me to live…really live in each and every second.
Live sweetly and respectfully
Indulge in lust and want
Feed my soul with love and family
Let the fringe take a bite out of me when the moment is right
Martini at 9:00 AM on a Sunday….Yes, more
Family dinner around the table…Yes, more
A late morning snuggle between the fan kissed sheets….Yes, more
Whispering “fuck” in an ear aching to hear me…Yes, more
Bottle of $60.00 Champagne on Thursday….Yes, more
Plate of grilled veggies for dinner….Yes, more
Pile of beef tartar to be scooped up with crispy French fries….more
Letting my love draw me home every night….more
Letting my want dig its fingers deep in my heart, spread it wide open and make room….Yes, more.
Balance. I often speak of balance and much like wine, life needs that little bit of acid, that spike of tannin to keep all the “fruit” in check. The fruits of our labor, the effort with which we care for ourselves, our family, our relationships…they need to be rewarded from time to time and I for one shan’t pass up that spoonful, glassful, and mouthful of reward. A scoop of raw meat on fries, whispers that brush my hair across my neck, an amazing bottle of wine….never for no reason, sometimes they are the only reason.