Monday, July 14, 2014

Pulling Me Back




I’ve worn your scent all day
Could smell you with each shift of my shoulders…
My arms
Every move I made had you shimmying back to the front of my mind
Your scent
Now all over me…

Each tiny bit of you that slithered beneath my skin
Made my flesh go bumpy and gave me that “Damn I remember you” shiver
The one that makes my breath leave my chest whispering raspy memories on its way out
Your scent
Now all over me
Again….









So many years apart
A lifetime really since I smelled you last
One touch
One moment close enough to take you in
Feel you and relive your touch, your body, the way mine reacts….
To you…


Here you are again
My body once again drenched in your aromas
Images of our history dropping before me like snapshots being tossed on a table
Exploration
Fumbling
Finding a rhythm…our rhythm
Discovering what I like, what I want and what I need more of…





Remembering the beginning
How it all started
How I started
Part of me was brought to life
Awakened
Sculpted into this woman I am now
Because of you….


Wet mouths
Nervous hands
The way my whole body would quake
My tummy jumping
My thighs shaking….
My young hands pushing you away
Your earthy and ready aroma pulling me back….

Sexy as hell the connection between my life, my body, my desire, my strength, my want and how something as primal and basic as scent can evoke memories so vivid that I can actually be transported right back to that moment when I first touched, tasted and felt. 





Nowhere in my life is this been more prevalent and powerful than with the very thing I chose, or more likely, was chosen to do, this here crazy world of wine. I find myself often not quite fitting in. I read posts and notes, those goofy Delectable entries rattling off what's in the wine, the "blackberry bramble" and "apple blossom" and my eyes begin to float, my heart and desire however, they just sink. Well right after my face scrunches up and I mutter, "What the fuck is bramble?!" I don't taste without feeling, can't write without feeling either. My grammar may suck and and my spelling is even worse, people will, and have, told me over and over again how I won't be taken seriously because of that. As I sit here after reading a passion filled email from a stranger in Italy, one that has spent the past few days reading through my nearly 800 posts, a man that now feels like we've met...almost 800 times and is sending me wine from his family's vineyard. His story for me to taste through the first harvest he oversaw as well as the wines from his father and his father's father, and I am reminded once again, much like life, love, listening, touching, being touched and making love....there is no one right way to do anything, especially writing about something as personal and subjective as wine. 



To the French wines that first slipped beneath my skin, made me purr, bend my frame, crave and leak desire, thank you. To the handful of you that come here to jump over my typos and grammatical errors to sink your teeth into me and the wines that move me, I thank you.  I miss you when I'm away too long....and most of all, I need you. You feed me and keep me hungry. To open my heart, my laptop and my mouth for more. 

12 comments:

Denise T said...

But I do love bramble! If you ever go and stand in a black raspberry patch and eat raspberries as you go, staining your handsand teeth, the eessence of the combination or earthy sweet raspberries and leaf and bush, all combine to let you know you're in a raspberry patch

Samantha Dugan said...

Denise,
I've never stood in a raspberry patch but I did spend a few summers with wild blackberry vines that twisted around the metal fence that protected the swimming pool that was my personal savior, at one of the worst and most trying times of my life. I can still remember exactly the way the leaves smelled and the scent of recently bursting fruit on especially hot days. Those aromas are as much a part of me and the Irish blood that runs through my veins but still, bramble is not a word or feeling that I can even remotely relate to or understand. What you just wrote however, now that I get. Maybe there isn't one word that can evoke that kind of feeling for some of us, your expatiation however, paints a lovely picture. Thanks lady!

Thomas said...

The definition of "bramble" covers any thorny bush of the Rubus genus. It includes berries and roses.

When i think bramble, I am transported to my raspberry patch of four separate varieties. As I walk the patch picking off Japanese beetles and picking raspberries, I often smell what can only be described as Zinfandel!

Incidentally, Sam: have you ever seen handwritten scribbles of William Faulkner? The man could not spell.

In fact, you'll love this blog entry: http://www.leelofland.com/wordpress/15-famous-thinkers-who-couldnt-spell/

Samantha Dugan said...

Thomas,
Oh man, thank you for that. Love it. I had heard about a couple of those but not all, so that was a bit of a confidence builder.

I let myself be shut down by someone, that is an actual friend trying to help, but would read my pieces with a red marker instead of a beating heart. He would send me comments that were 90% pointing out my errors...sort of like having a thick boot across my throat that. Then I read that STEVE! went on a rant, at the wine bloggers conference of all places, telling people they will never be taken seriously if they make typos and put commas in the wrong place. As if the majority of people that paid to go to that thing were ever going to be taken seriously, I mean when you write up things like Crane Lake Chardonnay, (a $3 Franzia wine) complete with what kind of music best accompanies it, (true story about one of the bloggers I know went to that conference) you aren't ever going to be taken for much more than the phony you are. Top that with a "wine writer" that pairs wine with chicken wings and uses a term like "Burgundian Grenache" that spends 80% of her Facebook posts shit talking on other people's grammar....well I was just sick to death of hearing it. When that letter came through yesterday it just proved, to me, that heart and passion speak louder than errors and typos for some of us. Grateful for that...and you!

Thomas said...

Hah!

I admit to being rather pedantic about typos and such when I read, but for me, it isn't about writing; it's about editing.

Every writer needs and should have an editor--which is a major failing of blogging.

Recently, an editor at publishing house sent one of my manuscripts to a few people with the hope that he could get them to write a blurb for the cover. (Incidentally, I hate the cover blurb for its blatant stupidity as a promotional tool--I mean, really, is anything but praise going to appear on the cover?)

In any case, the manuscript was a godsend to one individual who spent a great deal of time calling me names because of typos, spelling problems, and some mistakes. Unknown and unbelievable to me, the editor had sent out an unedited manuscript that had not yet been fact-checked either.

While the corrections were necessary, and in fact we had already been in the process of making them, the vitriol from the reader was revealing regarding an apparent petty, insecure personality.

I believe I told you that writing is a class-A risk. You put yourself out there for others to accept and perhaps enjoy--but you always must face the possibility of their scorn, because aside from it being so easy to criticize, it is also fun and it is much better to criticize others than to face your own shortcomings.

It never occurred to the reader of my unedited manuscript to simply point out the problems without editorializing to prove his or her worth--part of the need to scorn others is the need to establish your superiority, with the sad realization that if you don't establish it, others likely never will.

Samantha Dugan said...

Thomas,
With the friend he really did have good intentions, wanted people to see me in the best light, so it wasn't insecurities with him, that Facebook writer chick however, she wreaks of it. I get that typos and whatnot bother people and in that case stay away from the ones that, like me, are loaded with errors but to imply that people who commit such egregious sins against humanity like using quotes too often or using a colon where they need a semi-colon, are stupid and lack any talent? Well that is simply bullshit. Just like assuming that because someone can write means they know fuck all about wine or even have a palate for that matter. I just get annoyed is all, then I get nice little reminders that there is far more to writing and wine writing for that matter, than tasting notes and semi-colons.

Romes said...

Just keep letting it pour from your heart and soul Sam, it is what keeps us a(the ones who count) here reading. I'm a grammar nazi, but I love your passion WAY more than any grammatically perfect prose. And, by the way, I don't find you a bad speller (don't think it is a word..,) at all. A guy at work can't even get close enough for spellchecker to fix it!

Love the Italian reader story, it is how I felt when I stumbled upon you. I feel bad for him now that the posts aren't lined up for days to keep reading, I remember for awhile I anxiously checked every couple hours hoping you had posted.

Love u!

Samantha Dugan said...

Jess,
That letter just killed me, I cried in fact....nearly did with your comment too. Fucking hormones! Love you too lady and thank you for being here longer than nearly everyone.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

My Gorgeous Girl,
How the hell did I not chime in here? I thought I had. Hell, I drink too much. Obviously.

Grammar can't make up for lack of originality and talent. Bloggers can't overcome that fact. But talent can overcome spelling and proper grammar. There are many great writers who prove that, including you. Grammar Nazis are no different than Natural Wine freaks--ignoring quality and focusing on doctrine. Ignore them. As Thomas says, it's more about editing. And when you're busy, and writing a blog for free, an editor isn't an option. Folks who complain about spelling and commas are sad Human Spellchecks--soulless and without the capacity to understand context. Fuck 'em.

I swear, I thought I'd commented here already. Idiot. The Poodle has gone to my head.

I love you!

webb said...

Spelling schmelling! That's for the Grammar Grannies like me to worry about. One only notices poor spelling, etc. if one is NOT engaged in the writing and then s/he ought to just move on to something that moves him.

Your writing MOVES me. Spell it any damn way you want.

and there are plenty of us out here who would be happy to edit if you ever feel the need for that. Seriously.

Love you. love your words! any day. every day.

gabriel jagle said...

the feeling is mutual. thanks for reminding us what makes wine special

Samantha Dugan said...

Ron My Love, Gabe and Webb, I was just reacting to someone with the personality of a stump telling people that I shouldn't be taken seriously, because of my grammatical shortcomings. Nevermind that I've had thousands of more wines and years of experience above theirs. Just bugged me...and obviously hurt a little. I'm over it now, had one of those moments today where someone posted a picture of what some might consider a unicorn wine, then I remembered having that wine, with the winemaker, at dinner, at his house....I've been incredibly lucky and I shouldn't let those wanks get for second under my skin. So thanks for the support of your local grammar Nazi's nightmare here. Love you guys for it!